Intimidating, moi?

They find it intimidating said J.  Funny but I’ve never seen myself as intimidating, kinda pathetically wimpy yes, but how could anyone find my scattered and clumsy self intimidating?  Let me explain.  Having lived in this little place for the best part of a year I’ve become a bit of a local face and the Trevisans are getting curious about me and my life. 

After the usual where are you from, what are you doing here etc comes who do you live with?  I live alone.  Do you cook and clean yourself?  Yes.  And who manages your money?  I do. What happens if you don’t have enough? I budget but if you need money who do you ask?  No one I deal with it.  My colleague J is in much the same position and last Tuesday taking advantage of an early finish for both of us, we mused over the strange reactions we get over a little too much red wine. 

I’ve already recounted in an earlier post the delayed nest leaving here in Italy (http://rajisphere.blogspot.com/2011/10/bamboccioni.html) and now  I'm no longer surprised when Italians tell me that they live at home, get all their meals cooked for them and their washing done.  What is surprising are the many untruths or half truths I've been told about domestic arrangements.  Guys (and I have to say it’s almost exclusively guys) have told me they live with flatmates only for those flatmates to be parents.  Another proudly told me he had moved out and was now finally living alone – he'd moved next door into an apartment bought by his parents thus allowing him to go home for dinner every evening (I bet cleaning duties are left to mother as well.)  When another told me he was living with his girlfriend I had to tell him that I don’t regard driving over to his girlfriends place with a bag of washing every weekend as living with her and yes the rest of the week was spent living with mum and dad.  It doesn't take long for these little half truths to unravel which just serves to make me think you’re a bit of a tool – I mean at least be honest and acknowledge how lucky you are to have parents willing to help you out or even say I like living at home.

      

So, why this bending of facts?  Well according to J, so strange do the locals find our kind of independence and self reliance that they find it intimidating.  Could it be that at some level the average stay at home Italian feels a bit silly to be still at home?  There is mutual incomprehension between the likes of me and the majority of Italians that I meet.  They do not understand how I’m happy to function so independently and I, well I wonder where in hell is it ok to expect your parents to continue funding you into adulthood?  J recounted to me the tale of one of her students, during the lesson she mentioned the use of an ATM card and one of her students commented “I don’t have one”  J made herself clearer, no not a credit card but just a normal bank card “I don’t have one.”  But how do you get money out of your account asked J “I don’t have a bank account.”  But how do you get your money? “My parents give me money.”  This student is not 14 but 25 – how can you be 25 and not have a bank account? How can you be 25 and still expect to get pocket money from your parents?  No wonder they find the likes of us so alien.